too deep

emergencies kept coming into my ER door last monday night. i was exhausted and so the nurses. but we couldn't refuse all the patients. we kept helping them. pacing with time, and we worked as fast as we could so we did no harm to our patients. in our mind, we also hoped that if we could finish earlier, maybe we could steal a minute or two to rest before another patients came in. but that's just our hope. people kept coming without any rest. the last emergency patient was a 75 years old male. his family found him lying in the bedroom floor and they noticed that there's a bump in his right forehead and they couldn't wake him up. so they rushed to my ER, because he had previous history of intracranial bleeding.

unfortunately, as we did the CT, we found another bleeding (again) and this time, it was more than before. and operation was no longer an option. it was the only option to save him. i tried as fast as i could to give that information to the family without worried them any longer. i tried to get their approval without hurting their feelings. but perhaps God had another plan. the OK team came late and the neurosurgeon had left because the OK wasn't ready. the anesthesiologist also came late. in short, my patient didn't survive.

i was angry and disappointed. it was a long and hard night. i tried as hard as i could to save him, to make him proper for operation. but he didn't survive at last. i know the prognosis for him wasn't good since it was his second attack and he was old. but i thought there will be a small chance that he could survive if we operated on him sooner. that day, i cried everytime i remembered him. and i realised, i'm going in too deep. i'm not supposed to let my emotion clouded my judgement. what can i say? i was exhausted and the bad news at the end of my duty really ruin my day. perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. people have flaws and nobody is perfect. just do my best and keep improving.

kibarin bendera putih aja tan!

Serba salah nih akhir bulan kemarin. Gara2 mak mertua masuk rumah sakit, terpaksa semua persiapan merit ama pigi jadi amburadul. Si David yg benernya bakalan dapet angpao for the first and last time akhirnya batal ikut ke madiun krn kudu nguburin maknya. huehehehehe...kasian dehhhh... T.T sayangnya...aku jg kali ini bakal dpt angpao yg terakhir kali. ga maoooooo....noooooooo... heehhee...

ternyata di tempat persemayaman ga kalah heboh. karena aku cuma nongol di hari pertama, banyak para ai2 dan bos2 obat yg penasaran tampang calonnya pak David itu kayak apa. yeee..salah siapa aku jaga sore trus kudu ke Madiun? ya terpaksa hawa penasaran itu dibiarkan berkeleleran. tapi apes. ada satu ai2 yg ngotot pengen tau mukaku. alhasil, demi membungkam ini tante, ditunjukinnlah fotoku. karena foto udah dikeluarin, jadinya estafet deh..banyak yg penasaran. aiyaaa... kyk dagangan apa aja.. ternyata si ai yg ngotot abis ini, selidik punya selidik, punya cerita yg ga seberapa ngenakin. konon (cieee..), anak perempuan si ai ini dulunya mo dikenalin ke David. apa daya ternyata sebelum rencana itu terlaksana, si David udah kepincut aku duluan. (huahahahaa... - devilish laugh) alhasil, si ai yang ga pengen kalah saingan ini ngotot banget pas maesong kemaren.

pulang dari madiun, aku jaga malem pas weekend. asli aku paling sebel kalo ada pasien inpartu. jam partusnya lo selalu ga masuk akal. sebel banget. untungnya yg satu ini rada tau diri. pas teng jam setgh dua belas bayinya udah lahir. alhasil aku udah ke VK jam 12an. meriksa2 gitu. aku cm merhatiin umur bapak ibunya aja yg kebetulan seumuran ama David. ama ngeliat nama bapaknya pas dia salah ngisi form persetujuan. buyar dr situ aku ke cempaka. eh...ada satu tante2 yg mondar mandir di dpn nurse station. trus si tante itu tiba2 nanyain aku "dokter, dokter jaga ruangan ini?" takbilang kalo satu rumah sakit ini dokter bangsalnya ya cuma aku malem itu. trus taktanyain kenapa.. sapa tau dia mo lapor pasien ato gimana gitu. si tante awalnya bilang ndak papa, tapi keliatan banget tampangnya pengen nanyain sesuatu. pas aku mo ninggal ini tante, tiba2 dia nanya "calonnya David ya?" takiyain, trus aku penasaran nanya dia siapa..jangan2 masih ada hubungan sodara kan berabe. ehhh..taunya dia itu mertuanya yg baru ngelahirin. astaganagaaa... suaminya ternyata temennya calon papi mertua. haisss... penting banget jam 1 dini hari bahas beginian. akhirnya si tante malu sendiri setelah takselametin krn punya cucu, aku lgsg disuruh ngelanjutin kerja. dg senang hati taktinggal aja deh..

eh..pas aku cerita David, ujung2nya tenyata si tante itu mamanya cewek yg batal dikenalin itu. TERNYATA!! hahaha..buset ni tante..ampe subuh2 dibelain konfirmasi apakah aku beneran calonnya david...aiyaaa...