hell yeah, every breast feeding mum has their own battle, and so do i. let me start from day one. when my son was born, i had no idea that breastmilk didn't come out itself.. i thought that once the baby was born, my breastmilk will come out automatically, but turned out, i was wrong. for the first day, nothing came out. but the nurse kept telling me to keep trying. if my son's mouth kept sucking at my breast, my breastmilk will come out eventually. so i kept trying and believing and hoping that my breastmilk will come out soon. but not until the second day. but it wasn't quick enough. matthew is icteric by the second day so the paediatrist decided to put him under uv light. and the antibiotik had to be until 5th day, so i had to go home first.
i haven't bought any breastpump yet and had no idea which one to buy. so when i got home, i had no idea that i had to keep pumping in order to avoid engorgement and stuff. so since me and my boy had no idea what effiecient breastfeeding was, we struggled. and when we got home, many people had their own opinion that mess with my head. i had less rest, let alone any help. it was only me and my husband at night. and crying baby was not helping at all
trying not to stress? it was sooo hard. sometime, i just frustrated and cried without reason. you could say it was the imbalance hormone, but i knew that stress also played part. plus matthew was having colic. listening to his periodically crying at almost the same time was frustrating and heart-breaking. i was struggling between breastfeeding, and bottle-feeding. and pumping. i read that second week i had to start pumping and saved breastmilk in order to be save when i had to work again.
once the colic was away, it was easier. i was less stress. and my breastmilk was increasing. as my confident rose, the production was increased too. so yeah, husband should kept their wife happy. but i was frustrated since i had no help at home. once my maid went home and my husband didn't come home yet, i had no one in the house. i was alone. and it was frustrating for outgoing person like me. when i told my husband that, he stated a thing that also opened my mind. "i also wanted to be at home as soon as i could, but i had to work. if i didn't go to work, how could we keep on living like now?"
so yeah, i had to deal with my frustration. i had to let go some idealism.
so, back to breastfeeding, pumping regularly was important to keep the breastmilk keep on being produced. keep happy was also another obligation. and never believe that you can't breastfed your baby. so confidence, happiness and stubborness. that're the keys.
now that i was back to school and intern obligation, i had to be nice and asked nicely where i could pump. and where to storage it for a while before going home. also sneaking during short break to pump. even my classmate noticed it. and then a lecturer also noticed it. i hope i could breastfed my son until a year. though it was not exclusively (still had only a few storage milk, so i had to give bottle one or two per day), but i still tried to give my best. and you should too.. whatever struggle you had, don't give up.