it ain't easy

breaking bad news to patient and his family is not easy. breaking bad news to fellow colleague and his family is even harder.

dr.M rushed through my ER door along with her physiotherapist. in front of them is an old woman, holding a baby girl. she was blue and pale. i thought she had convulsion. but i was wrong. she wasn't breathing and her heart stop beating. we hurried, giving her high flow oxygen and chest thrust while the other searching for her vein to insert the IV line. we set the monitor, but nothing. it's still a flat line. we keep trying. a few attempts failed to put an IV. i called a pediatrician in his clinic to help me in the ER. he also rushed in and after he arrived, he decided to intubate without waiting the anesthesiologist. after he intubated, nothing changed. her oxygen saturation keep decreasing. she's still bluish and pale. adrenaline was given. twice. third time. nothing happen. IV line inserted, but it didn't change anything. she didn't give any response. after 30 minutes trying to save her, the pediatrician stopped our resuscitation and declared her dead.

the harder part is her uncle is my college-mate. he was 2 years older than me. i knew him. it was difficult to explain about the administration and stuff. while he had worse job to do. he had to tell her sister that her daughter has died. and she died in front of her own eyes. in her arms. she stopped breathing in her hug. and it's hard not to shed tears in front of them.

it ain't easy. even though i've done it many times before. telling patients or their family. telling their family that their loved one is in critical condition and probably won't make it. and then declaring them dead isn't easy. and it's not getting easier.

we doctors, we also human being. but we're demanded not to show it. but deep down inside, it crushed our heart. every single life, every heart beat. if it's possible, we will try as hard as we can to keep it.

did you hear the bells?

i'm getting married. for real. arrrrgggghhhh... sialnya, ternyata persiapan itu sebajek. probably, we're the most clueless client in the entire Surabaya for that EO. hahahhaa...

so, since we're both first born, so both our parents have no idea what to do. so the wise move here is to choose an EO that will help us. at the first EO, no problem at all since she only offered us about her service and explained to us about the price and stuff. but at our third EO, he probably will slap his forehead because of our cluelessness. probably i'm the most clueless bride he's ever met. i know, probably every girl in this entire world has a dream about getting married and being a bride one day. unfortunately, that dream never came to me. since i was little, i never dreamt about being a bride. more over when i grew up. i hate wedding party. i hate to dress up to attend a wedding party. and i have no clue what to expect in my wedding party. how great!

soooo... sekarang waktunya pusing. karena tadi di EO yg barusan kita datengin, dia dengan semangat menjelaskan ttg konsep acara yg akan jadi peer kita berikutnya setelah kita memutuskan deal dengannya. mulai dr konsep pinginnya kayak apa, sampe palet warna. konsep probably classic or simple... tapi palet warna??? that will probably hard to answer. since i'm so fond of colors. everytime i go to ace hardware, i end up staring at all those colors pallette back in the paint stuff. hahahaha.. dia bisa pingsan kalo tau... entah deh, ntar akire pilih warna apaan. apalagi kan ntar yg mutusin bkn aku doang.

and then masalah baju. OMG... kenapa sih wedding dress is sooooooo heavyyyyy....i guess that seharusnya, all the brides are not supposed to do diet before they tried their dress. bahkan menurutku, nyoba baju pengantin sering2 justru bakal jadi exercise yg efektif saking abote..heavy is problem number one. problem number two: why it has to be so bling2 and all the ruffles, beads and crystals, all those layers?? why can't it be simple? siale pas aku komentar gitu pas ke salah satu salon, mbak'e dengan enteng njawab gini: ya jangan to ce...ntar lek gitu, isa2 pengantine kalah ngejreng ama tamune. wong tamune semua pasti yo bling2..lek pengantine polosan lak isa kalah.. duengngnggggg... what's wrong with those people?? *sigh* itu baru baju, belon soal make up seng kudu tahan nyaris 24 jam itu. mateng wes...itu ntar mbersihine piro suwe???? oh nooo..pas dulu make up buat wisuda ama pelantikan ae udah kayak didempul piro lapis. bersihine ae ampe 3-4 kali, ampe rasae perih ga karuan. pas ting jing kemaren jg gitu. mana pas kmrn itu aku kalah ama seng ndandani. for the first time i wore fake eyelashes. padahal dulu 2 x dandan ga pake bulu mata palsu jg gpp. taruhan berapa ntar juga pas di make up buat merit jg ga boleh lek ga pake bulu mata palsu. adohhhh... padahal bulu mata palsu itu abotttt... nggarai mata ngantuk ga isa melek ae. grrrr.. that's no invention, but suffering.

so i guess, dear all grooms, you should know what kind of torture that you bring to your brides when you asked her to marry you, so you should be understanding when she changed into that angry and moody creature, that you have no idea where it came from. and you should be understanding when she's all tired and hard to please since she had to please everyone, not just her dream but also both parents dream. all you have to do is find a best man, find a nice tux and be clean and shiny and be there on time. while she had to wake up very early at dawn, getting her make up and dress ready and then smiling tirelessly through the entire day... all those suffering, just for that one special day. so be understanding all ye' grooms..

new year, new problems, new headache..but i'm not getting older

happy new year! i hope it's a happy new year for all of you. but for me, new year comes with new problems...and new problems mean new headache... but (thankfully?) i'm not getting older. so, there was this kid at our China tour..his name is Louis. his dad is so annoying, and his little brother is so naughty. but Louis seems fine. he was close to us since he was left alone in the bus with us when we decided to not going to the medicine house back in Beijing. so, when it's time to go shopping, he jumped off the bus with us. and through that quick time, he became familiar to us.

so when i bumped my nose, his little brother is overly excited that he wanted to see my nose..he wanted to see my scar. he didn't feel sorry for me because i was fallen. so annoying..i'm hurt but he's excited for my scar...damn little kid. but couple days later, people are talking about my job, thankfully, without remembering that i'm the clumsy girl that fallen in the toilet. first of all, it's no wonder that people surprised at first. like everybody used to say, i'm not the "doctor" type for them, judging from my face and my behaviour. but then came Louis. he asked me whether i'm a doctor. and when i said it's true, and that i'm already engaged, he was surprised. when i asked him what's in his mind, he admitted that he was surprised because he thought that i'm as old as his sister, who is 15 years old!! OMG...it's new year, and i'm downgraded to a 15-years-old girl..a first grade high schooler...oh noooooo.... really?? well..i guess it's up to you guys to decide...

end of 2010

the wind at the next day wasn't get any better. we started the day visiting the shanghai TV tower. pretty amazing building. but i had pretty bad runny nose so ...sepanjang jalan aku buang ingus terus and it sucks. pretty view from above and on the 98th level, there was this glass floor. it made us feel like walking on the sky. then we went to the bund. again..the wind screwed it all. we just took pictures really quick and then back to the bus.

this was the last day before we headed back to hongkong and went home, but everyone didn't seem to have quite enough time shopping. so this last day, there were 2 spots for shopping. the first one is around the yu garden. it were only us and one other family that went to the garden, while the other chose to go shopping from the start. then we went to nanjing road, which was similar to orchard. shopping malls along the road. so everyone was crazy to shop. and then after we tired shopping, we had dinner and there was a small surprise to my future mother-in-law since it was her birthday. there was a birthday cake, we were singing and cheering my future dad-in-law to kiss her. hahahaa...it was really funny. pretty sucks beginning but happy ending day. and that ended my 2010. no more agenda for the day. which is suck since it was the end of 2010, but there were no show or whatsoever, since last year, there were fire at the bund. so no fireworks. nothing. but it was okay though, since half of our tour members were sick. so we all pretty happy, just slept in the hotel.

sooo...that's it. that was my christmas to end year trip. wishing u all a happy new year!

day 6 - here comes the wind

the first visit was Xi Hu Lake. the guide told us that there was this road, along the lake, a long road. the stopry was, if you are a couple, you have to walk along the road, until the end of it, so you will have an everlasting relationship with your loved one. but since we will ride the boat, we won't walk along the road. my fiancee had a new theory. if you walked until the end, you will have an everlasting relationship. if you walked half of it, you will broke up with your loved one. but since we off to the boat half way, and walked again to the end after getting off the boat, then we have to speed up the relationship. hahaha.. pretty funny...

after that we stopped at the tea house pretty quick before moving on to zhouzhuang. the hatred part is when we arrived at zhouzhuang, it was very windy and cold. i really hate the wind. the wind came from all over, not like in beijing, so no one can avoid it. zhouzhuang was considered the venetian of china, so we rode a boat again there. but since it was really windy, no one really enjoyed the ride. then we were off to shanghai, our last destination. the dinner, which was a thai dinner, really sucks. food were okay, but what can i say about thai dinner? it was spicy and i couldn't eat most of it. but the most unbearable part was the smoking family were behind us. so in the middle of the dinner, they started to smoke without considering other people. ughhh..i really hate them. so inconsiderate!! and the wind didn't get better. it was so windy that i had runny nose again. damnnn.... and that ended "my pretty nice beginning but hatred ending" day

day 4&5- broken nose part 2

it's morning again and we're in a hurry, dragging our baggages into the bus. the first stop for the day is the sun yat sen mesoleum. The tour guide told us that it will be a long walk before we reached the resting place of the great Chinese leader. He told us that there were about 900-something-stairs before we reached it. some people in our group were already feeling exhausted hearing his explanation. but then as we started walking, it was a good way to exercise actually. the stairs are easier than those at the Great Wall. after few days, i get used to walking and hiking. and the mesoleum is easy. so in no time, me and njos2 catched up people ahead of us and even reached the top before them. and the funny part is my future father-in-law. he's a fat guy, so walking all the way up to the top is a challenge for him. but he made it! amazing though. but before reaching the top, he said to me that if he died, he didn't want to be buried like this. it's a torture to other people. hahahhaaa....

and then we're back in the bus and off we go to wu xi. we'll be visiting wu xi for a short time before going on to the next city. the first thing we did in wuxi was having lunch. unfortunately, at the restaurant's toilet, i sort of slipped and bumped my nose into the wall. it was a loud bump and i was worried that my nose will be broken. fortunately, my nose was fine, but it was pretty hectic at first. people were worrying about my nose but after a while, it vanished. thank God there were ice in the restaurant, considering it was winter. but until the end of our tour, my nose is bluish and reddish, the side effect of the bump. (-.-")

so after a pretty hectic lunch, we went to the sam kok shooting place. there we rode on a boat and then spent some time to just wandering around and taking pictures. some guys tried to shoot arrows, real arrows, just like in Timezone, but no one hit the center. some even just held the bow and arrows for a show. after that we were off to a pearl factory before going to suzhou. and then, the amazing fact after arriving at our hotel was the hotel was so much fun! it was nice and luxurious. and pretty hi-tech, considering it was a small city. unfortunately, we only spent a night there...so sad.. but there, it was the first time for me and a bunch of people to go shopping all alone without our guide. we went for a walk to Carrefour. hahahaa.. pretty funny, considering we didn't know anything about the city, no map, and no clue at all. but we found it at the end. the next morning, the breakfast also amazing. for the first time, since we arrived in China, i found sushi!! i was so happy... no more chinese food... after that, we were off to explore su zhou. started at the liu garden. it was a house owned by a rich guy, but then the government took it over and preserved it as a tourist' destination. the house was so big and complicated. like a maze. according to the story, back in the day, a man could have many wives and concubines, but he didn't the wives and concubines to chat each other. therefore, he built such a complicated house and an amazing one, just to entertain them and made them to feel cozy at home and not go anywhere since they were forbidden to go outside.

really..the house was insane! after that, we went to the tiger hill, there was a pagoda, which was almost like pisa... tapi ga semiring menara pisa. because of that reason, we were not allowed to go inside it and went all the way up to the top. after a quick stop at the silk factory, we were off to Lei Feng Pagoda. it's the legendary pagoda where the white snake legend being held. the authentic pagoda was already burnt and broken, so the pagoda that we were visiting was a new one built by the government. inside there were carvings about the story about the white snake legend. the carving was crazy. every little details were being carved. every single leaf, every wave, it was...crazy. are they in their right mind? after that, we had a very disappointing dinner and went to see the Song Dynasty Show. it was a good show. chinese people really know how to arrange a show. there were dancing, singing, acrobatic..all in one package.

Day 3-bye bye beijing

The third morning we were busy checking out from the hotel because we have to hurry to the airport to go to nanjing. After several usual chaos, we're finally aboard on plane going to nanjing. Being optimistic as we go south the weather will be better, we really excited finding out that nanjing wasn't as cold as beijing. It's so much warmer.

But the first impression of our new local tour guide was boring so half of the bus were falling asleep as he explained our plan for that day. The first place that we went is yang tze bridge. Yeah, it was historical and important to chinese people, but as tourist, i can't see the importance of visiting it. The bridge is just a bridge, but the view is okay, but not spectacular.

After dinner, the most exciting part is the next stop. Next is shopping at confusius street. It's just another street market like petaling and chinatown, but all the ladies in the bus are excited, since they can't do a lot of shopping back in beijing. The shopping point at beijing is too expensive. The drug store, the porcelain and jade factory.. All are expensive. But in nanjing, they can bargain and buying souvenirs.

After buying a lot of souvenirs, we got back to hotel. And since that day, we have to check out everyday because for the next couple days, we'll be jumping city until Shanghai.. Hufff..

Merry christmas!

Merry christmas everyone! I'm freezing cold in this land callef China. Yep.. I'm spending my vacation, from Christmas eve to new year away from home. Kinda excited but also sad. My dad's celebrating his birthday alone at home. Just with my mom. No kids around.

Yesterday we were visiting the forbidden city, tian an men square, temple of heaven and watching chinese acrobatic. Historical places mostly. We even ate peking duck at historical restaurant too.. 600 years peking duck maker.. Phewww..

The most exciting part is watching acrobatic, the motor riding part. 6 people riding motorcycles inside a metal globe. Crazy indeed.. I can't imagine what will happen if they crashed into one another.. But the most hatred part is the weather. It's freezing cold and windy. Even though we wore layers of cloth, it's still cold.

Let's see what about today.. We have great walls and summer palace in our agenda.. Let's wait and see...

Historical beijing

Day 2 is fulled with visiting historical places. Starting from summer palace. It's such a beautiful place that i thought it was natural. But the guide told us that it was man-made! What a crazy emperor.. Juat for enjoying the view, he ordered his people to build artificial lake and island.

Then we stopped by at the bird nest stadium just for taking pictures. This stadium is yet another proof that Chinese people is a little bit crazy when it comes to pride. Being a modern building, the bird nest stadium is also crazy. I can't imagine the process of the making. How can they build such place like that?

Then after a quick stop at the jade factory and porcelain factory, finally we arrived at the Great Wall. Fiuuuhhh... It's cold and windy and the wall is sooooo long. The stairs are numerous and the height of each stair is not the same. We only hike for a half post since it's so high. Too bad though.. But it's dangerous indeed. And after a tiring hike at the Great Wall comes the end of my second day.